A womans view
I read with much interest Baffour’s May column on why men stray and women stay. I think it’s unbelievable how much attention and effort the world puts into this whole sex thing! Once upon a time, it was a less overrated, less “microscoped” aspect of human life.
I’m not sure how valid the theory is on the link between evolution/smartness and practising what has been evolutionarily accepted as being an inbuilt part of men’s behaviour (spreading the seed)!
I’m not for or against any theory, but I’m wondering why someone’s level of cleverness now has to be associated with his sexual behaviour. Are you less clever if you are closer to instinct? Why do we need to always theorise about how perfect we are supposed to be? As for men straying, why are they always the ones being blamed for it? What about all those females who stray in the worst manner? I personally know more women than men who are unfaithful, whether in private or not.
Women whose husbands tend to have affairs should probably re-evaluate what they (the women) might be doing wrong that is resulting in this. While the notion that men need to impregnate as many women as possible for the purposes of evolution is not an excuse to actually do it, I still think women may have a role in this outcome that they later complain about. Women should hardly consider themselves the victim.
Again, I’m not for men cheating (I’ve seen my parents go through this over and over and I’m sick of it; however, I don’t blame my father for what he did) but I seriously think women need to evaluate how the relationship is going, and if they feel things are not working out for them, they need to set themselves – and their husbands – free. That’s what I eventually did in my own marriage. I think people have a skewed view on relationships nowadays. Perhaps all it would take is a bit more communication between the couple for things to work out, if they decide there is still hope. Otherwise, they might be stuck in a vicious cycle of convenience and comfort, and that is potentially when men and women will stray and start playing the blame game.
For the record, I’m a female of Middle-Eastern descent, and while I can be assumed by some to be stuck in a traditional role within a marriage, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I left my husband after three years of a miserable silly marriage, moved out to Australia, and now live a single life on my own.
Ideally, I would like to be with someone but unless I find a guy with some substance and brains, I’m not willing to turn into one of those wives who passively complain about their husband’s affairs while not being willing to put much effort into the marriage.
Men and women: for God’s sake be honest with yourselves! If it’s not working, it’s not working! Don’t hold on to your partner for the sake of that cage called a sense of security. It’s false. See it for what it is. Thanks for an interesting article and I hope we can start practising some common sense instead of relying on quick-fix self-help books and pointing fingers at The Other while victimising ourselves.
Tara Al-Sayed. Sydney, Australia